I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
