literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
