i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
