think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
