I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
