party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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