I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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