Can i not drive my cunt home
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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