im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
