my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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