You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
