well you can't waste a boner
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
