Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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