Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
