i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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