hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
