proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
