How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
