You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
