He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
