Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
