you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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