I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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