I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
