I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
