Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
