I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
