hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
