You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
