drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
