I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
