he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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