we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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