Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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