I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
People in love make me want to vomit
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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