sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
