I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
