I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I touched a dick in church today
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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