help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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