just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
handjob tips. give me some.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
