You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
