i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
