Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
