she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
