is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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