I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
