I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
