I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
