I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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