what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
