Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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