I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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