he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
