tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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