I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
