Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
