I wish i was in the wii world.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
