im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
