I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
