I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
