There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
