i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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