can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
