the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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