i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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